i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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