i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
