Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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