All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
