i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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