The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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