At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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