This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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