PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone shattered a urinal.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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