dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
