I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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