OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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