My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
