Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
