If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
