But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
