Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
