guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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