1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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