It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
