Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
