i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had sex on a roof
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
