Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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