Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
