Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
