A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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