what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
