I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
