Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
