would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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