When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
