it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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