We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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