To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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