I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
