All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
