Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
