i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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