Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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