That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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