I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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