I'm gonna have a badass scar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
