so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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