i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
