theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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