please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
