Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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