apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
