Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
