Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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