i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
