Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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