I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
