Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
