My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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