The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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